I Don't Know What Started It

I don't know what started it. Well, actually, I know that I started it. I was being awfully snippy. But Xander was driving me nuts. Which he seems to really get into a lot these days. This time though, I really pushed his buttons. He was really pissed. Of course, I'm not sure that it's just me. Now I know I'm a bitch and everything, but I think it was a, uh, what's the word? An accumulation of things? It wasn't just me picking on Willow and the Wonder Buffy. Though, Jesus, I'm just teasing! They know I don't mean it. At least most of the time they don't. I mean, I do like Willow. I never thought I would, but I really do. She's very sweet and she's really helped me study. So, I let my Mom have it when she started turning up her nose, because Willow's Jewish. Can you believe that bullshit? This is the nineties for Gods' sakes! I thought we were past all that kind of crap. I peeled strips off my Mom for that. Grandma loved it. She said I'm finally developing a social consciousness.

Anyway, I'm losing my train of thought. Xander's bugged cause he doesn't think I back him up. That I don't really stand by him. He doesn't know how scary it is for me! For all I know he might really be in love with two, count 'em, two other girls. This is rough with me caring about him as much as I do. He turns me on so much, more than any guy I've ever gone out with. When Xander kisses me, really kisses me, I forget everything that isn't inside my skin. I want him to touch me all over and not stop. I'll do anything, anything he wants. Making love with him is so beautiful it makes want to cry I feel so much for him then. Of course, that's when he brings up Willow or Buffy and I want to slug the shit out of him. Maybe it's his way of pushing me back, just like me being a bitch pushes him. Maybe we're too scared to love each other. I don't know, but I can't go on like this; but I can't seem to stop either.

So that's what we were really fighting about, no matter what we were saying. Xander wasn't ready to quit, so he had me drive back to his house. His Mom was out of town again. I really feel for him, I do. I think it sucks that his Mom just takes off and leaves him to fend for himself. He says she's always been like that, even when he was little. That's probably why he started hanging around Willow's all the time.

We got in the house and he dragged me to his room. I tossed my purse on the floor by the bed and faced him. He grabbed my arms and shoved me back against the door. His eyes were glittering, and he was breathing fast. So was I. I've never met anyone that does this to me.

"God, you are such a fucking bitch, Cordy."

"Now there's a news flash! What's your point?" I snapped.

"Why the hell do I keep letting myself in for this with you?" He growled at me.

All I had to do was push my hips a little forward. Oh, yeah, he was hard all right. "And do I get a hundred dollars, Alex, for guessing correctly? That's an obvious question, Xander. A bit too obvious."

He kissed me then, hard. Way hard. God, I thought he was going to choke me. I was just as hot for him as he was for me. But no way, am I going to admit that. No, no, no.

I tried to lift my hands, to hold him closer. He pushed them back down. "You are so fucking spoiled. You always have been. Somebody ought to wash your mouth out, or spank the daylights out of you. You deserve it, Cordy, and you know it."

It was like his words went down between my legs and cupped me there and squeezed hard. I blushed hot. I couldn't look at his face for a minute. I didn't dare. I wasn't going to give myself away.

I already had.

He pushed himself against me and I looked in his face. He was still mad, still furious with me. I could see it. But there was the spark of understanding. Something I feared and wanted all the same time. I fell back inside. I pushed. "Spoiled, am I? Or just too much for you, Xander! Ready to give up?"

He didn't answer me. He yanked me forward and tossed me on the bed. I fell awkwardly, on my stomach, and he was on top of me. It was scary, a thrilling kind of scary. He grabbed my wrists and pulled them behind my back. I struggled, I really did, but I didn't have much leverage and he had them tied together quickly with one of his belts. My heart was beating a mile a minute. He shoved my dress up. I had a dreadful sinking feeling in my stomach. He jerked my panties down, hard enough to make me jump. I was really afraid now. How did I lose control of the situation? I'd never seen him this mad before. He wouldn't hurt me, would he? I had to trust him, this was my boyfriend! He pulled my panties off me, and dropped them to the floor. My shoes fell off. I felt so vulnerable, so embarrassed.

"Xander...Xander...what are you doing?" I gasped out.

"Exactly what you think I'm doing." He snapped. "You've had this coming, and you're going to get what you deserve."

I blushed. Oh, God! He wasn't! I struggled, but he kept a good hold on me. I never realized that he was this strong. He pulled me over his lap, scissoring his other leg over mine. He had me right where he wanted me. He meant it. Oh, Jesus! He was going to spank me! I haven't been spanked since I was little! My boyfriend, my lover!

His first slap came down hard on the curve of my ass, taking my breath away. He didn't pause or hesitate after that, just let me have it. I twisted, trying to get away, and made these little squeaking noises. It was hot, it hurt and it stung, but it felt...oh, it felt...good. It was like the vibrations went right down deep inside me and woke me up. It tingled and I felt hot and heavy between my legs. I wanted to die of embarrassment. I had to make him stop before he noticed. "Xander, please, please, don't!"

He didn't pay attention. "I've had to listen you put me down, ride me, just too damn much!" Each word, each syllable, was punctuated by another slap on my behind. I was gasping. "I'm going to make you sorry for every bitch word out of your mouth." He pushed down on the small of my back and tightened the grip with his legs. "Quick fighting me, Cordy. You're just making this harder on yourself. You're staying here until I say we're done! Until I think this has gotten through to you."

The spanks continued raining down on me, covering both cheeks of my ass, and equally setting both on fire. Even more humiliating was the pulsing in my pussy, the wetness flooding me. Tears pricked at my eyes. Finally, I stopped struggling. Just let it happen. I was breathing so hard. "Xander, please." I said over and over, not really understanding what I was asking for. He kept on, until I'm sure his hand was throbbing as much as my butt. I started to cry. Let the emotions tight in me go, and that's when my ass arched up every time to meet his slap.

I think that's when he figured out what was going on. He must have been ashamed of himself, I'm sure he was. He stopped the spanking and petted me. And then, then, he touched my thigh. And felt my wetness.

I buried my face into the bedspread. I know I was beet red. His fingers slid between my thighs and touched my vagina. Felt how swollen and ready I was. He unlocked his legs and slid me more over his lap. I could feel his cock stirring under my stomach.

"I was right, wasn't I, Cordy?" He voice had lost the anger, now it was thick with lust. "You really did need a spanking, didn't you?" I shivered against his caressing fingers. "God, it's made you so wet. I don't think I've ever felt you this wet."

The fingers on my clit, oh, oh, oh!!

"Do you trust me, Cordy? Trust me to give you what you need?" He pressed harder. There was an immense amount of satisfaction in his voice. "You are such a bad, bad girl."

"Xander, please!" I whispered, I pleaded, I wanted. He rubbed me hard and fast and I came with a cry.

"Are you sorry yet, Cordy? Huh? I don't think so. You're tough, you can take a lot more than this." His words were strong, but I could sense that underneath, he was as scared as I was. Scared of going too far, of knowing too much. But I was so hot by this time, I'd have done anything.

So I whispered, "please," again.

He leaned over the bed, and I heard my purse tip over. I turned my head, but my hair kept me from seeing what he was up to. Then, with a crack, I knew. I cried out.

He'd found my hairbrush. It was a wooden, oval flat back brush with boars' bristles. I'd gotten it at the Body Shop. It wasn't cheap, but it was wonderful with my hair. Now it was being wonderful elsewhere.

It was harsher, much harsher on my already tender ass. This time I genuinely screamed out his name while he punished me. It stung more, a lot more, but the throbbing between my legs was more too. It was so intense, but so good. It was so confusing, with the pain, the embarrassment, and the pleasure! And his cock, God, the feel of his cock! Rock hard and solid under me. He was just as hard as I was wet.

I didn't struggle anymore, just kicked a little involuntarily when he really hit me very, very hard. This time, he was paying close attention to what he was doing. He centered his blows right on the bottom curve. Right where I sit. Right where his body will thrust against me when we make love. He was still talking to me, telling me what a bad girl I was, how much I deserved this, and how sorry I was going to be.

Finally, it all crashed inside me. I was sobbing. He was right. I was a bad girl, I was a bitch, I was a spoiled little brat. I did deserve this, and more. It was if the pain and the desire were cleansing me. I was sorry, I was. Repentance filled me, and I was honestly ashamed. I pressed my face down, and lifted my bottom up a fraction more. I wanted every bit of the pain he was inflicting. It was awful and wonderful. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sobbed out. "I'll be good, I promise I'll be good."

He didn't even slow down, just kept on paddling me good and hard. "No you won't. Not you. You're just not good, Cordy. You'll be as bad and as bitchy as always, but from now on you'll pay for it. I'll take it out of your pretty ass."

At hearing that, I let go completely. My whole body went soft. I just wept and moaned out, "yes, yes, yes, yes..."

Eventually, he stopped. Not when I wanted, not when I begged. When he decided, just like he'd told me he would. When he'd thought I'd had enough. I was totally under his control, I'd submitted utterly. I didn't stop crying, not when he pushed me off his lap. He got up and brought a cool, damp cloth and laid it over my burning ass. He murmured soothing things, and gently put lotion on my hot skin. My tears finally stopped and I snuffled. The lotion was cool helped a bit with the pain, but I knew I was going to be sore. He then reached between my legs and cupped me. I moaned out for him. He lifted my hips and slipped a pillow under my stomach. My ass felt swollen, tender and hot. He moved my knees apart, taking all control. I felt open, sluttish, just waiting for him, wanting him.

I listened to him undress. I felt the heat of his body as he knelt between my legs.

He didn't enter me. "Tell me what you want, Cordy."

"I want you!" I gasped out.

"Say it, Cordy. You know what I mean."

I bit my lower lip. He wanted me to beg, needed to hear me beg. Just like I needed him to punish me. He gave me what I needed, how could I deny him? "I want your cock, Xander, I need it. I want you to fuck me. Please, please fuck me. Fuck me hard. I want to for you."

He shoved himself in me deep, pressing himself against my sore skin. I gasped out, and moaned. I arched against him. He thrust again and again. There was no slowing down. It was rough and fast and so good. I wanted to die from it. Nobody else can give this to you, I thought. Whether I was thinking about him or me, I don't know. I was so messed up.

I called out his name over and over as he rammed into me. I came again and again, squeezing down on him. I felt his hands tight on my hips. His body was covered in sweat. "You're mine, Cordy." He thrust. "Mine." Again. I whimpered. "Mine."

I was. At that moment, he owned me, all of me. He choked out my name and came hard. Flooded me with his come. I was crying again. He untied the belt from my hands and tossed it away. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. There were tears in his eyes, too. I threw my arms around him and we cried. "I'm yours." I told him. "I've never belonged to anyone else the way I belong to you. I love you, Xander. I love you and it scares me so much."

"I love you, Cordy. I do." He whispered into my hair. "I know it hurts you that I love Buffy and Willow. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

My bottom throbbed in irony at that, but I knew what he meant.

He cupped my face and looked into my eyes. "I love you. I never thought I'd ever have you. I've wanted you forever. That's what it feels like. Nobody has ever trusted me like you do."

We held each other and cried a little more. We slept and made love again. At sunrise, I woke out of a doze to feel him kissing my behind. He stoked me with his fingers, feather light touches that sent tingles all through me. "You're still all red." He said softly. "Does it still hurt?" He was a little shy, like he thought I'd reproach him, now it was all over.

"Uh, huh. It feels raw and tender and sore." I smiled a little at him. "I'm going to have trouble sitting tomorrow, uh, today." I let my voice tease him a little. I wanted it to be okay.

"Yeah?" He ran his tongue over the skin. "So you'll have plenty of opportunities to think about all this."

"Yeah, I will." I gasped as his tongue ran down the crack of my ass. "All day. It's a good thing that it's Saturday. Or I...oh, God!" His tongue ran lower and found my...well, you know! God, that's perverse, but it feels so fucking good. "I wouldn't be able to stay in class."

His tongue darted at me. "I think you should stay right here. Nobody else, just us today." I moaned. "I think we might have a bit more things to work out."

"Oh, oh, oh, God!" I panted. "Is that an order?"

I took his pushing my thighs apart as a 'yes', since his mouth was busy. I writhed against him. He pushed two fingers into my wet vagina and rose up, kissing my cheeks. "Yes, it is. I want to see if you've learned your lesson."

He pumped his hand in and out of me. I groaned. "Oh, Xander, you won't believe just how good I can be."

"Show me..." He whispered.